3652 days (roughly)

That is the number of wonderful days that I have been married.This 26th was my tenth anniversary and looking back : I have absolutely no regrets and only great feelings about it .



All credit to my wife for putting up with a cranky , at times pesky guy like me and smiling right through! Let me tell you a little more .





Here are some of the important roles Hema plays for me .

1. When I am angry - Pacifier
2. When I am sad - Supporter
3. When I am lost - Guide
4. When I am winning - Fan
5. When I am losing - Coach
6. When I am crying - with me
7. When I am smiling - with me
8. When I am down - Motivator
9. When I am confused - Friend
10. When I need one - A shoulder
11. When I am tired - A refresher
12. When I am funny - the audience
13. When I am gross - the punisher
14. When I am over sleeping - the waker
15. When I am undersleeping - the admonisher

And I could go on and on .....



There is another side to the whole deal ; it is not very easy to be 24x7 with one person unless the understanding and camaraderie are right up there and that is the key for a successful married life .



The other unique thing about your spouse is that he/she is the only person who is goin to go the full long haul with you and be there always .From that angle if your spouse does not vibe with you , you are in for it ! I have been extremely lucky to get the perfect foil for me as my spouse .I dunno how much of that is true from her point of view .But for me ; Life just got better and better and better after marriage .She has this uncanny knack to read my face and understand what went on the last 6 hours ! That saves a lot of talking and energy .She knows when I am pissed and plays down .She knows when I am wrong and plays up .Well , a fair mix of both !



They say that souls are created in pairs and the lucky ones meet and get married .I would like to think that I am one such lucky soul .



Down the line ; despite the fact that hereditary diabetes was holding her down and making life tough , she went through hell to give me the best gift so far ! My Son Hari ! I can't even think of life before Hari now .That is the impact he has had on our lives .

I must say that I am looking forward to atleast another 100 years of this !

Hema : u are the best !

Idiots on International Media !!

Satinder Bindra is the idiot that I am talking about .I caught him yday on CNN talking about the prevalent caste problem in India and its effects.He did a whole bunch of things that got my blood boiling .



First up : He talks crap in a crappy accent , and is very evident that he know NOTHING or close to NOTHING about India.He went on and on and on about things that he had no idea about .



The first time I saw him on CNN was in 99 I think , he was just in and did a piece on Bill Gates and Melinda Gates donating to AIDS funds in India and I must say that he is , over the years , consistently ridiculous to say the least .Back then , he said "The richest man is in the poorest country " to describe Gates' visit .Well even after a Tsunami hit us , India was the only country that "refused" categorically to accept any aid from the US.The next thing is , you study in a delhi school so long ago and run away to Canada to suck up to a dollar paying job , come back , become delhi bureau chief and say whatever you want ? But , isnt news about the truth and not what you think ?



He went to completely stupid levels when he spoke about Abhijit Sawant the Indian Idol winner , being a lower caste guy who struggled a lot to get to the top.And how he was the only lower caste guy to do it in 50 years .Wake up Satinder !! You are talking passee and crape here , absolutely no sense in it.He talks about priests still being the most powerful people in India.Now ; APJ Abdul Kalam , The Ambanis , Tatas , Ruias , Birlas , Narayan Moorthy : which of these is a priest ?



He was talking about how even in school the lower caste students are discriminated ; well I was in school a long time ago , and even back then ; I dint know which caste who was , so what is this fool talking about ?



His partner in the telecast ; was someone called "Anjali Rao" , but called herself AAnjali Rave !! Tsk Tsk another american desi !!.She was interviewing Satinder to find out about India !!! What can be a better statement than that .Irritating and completely foolish to say the least .I can't bear it anymore .We need to fix these sons and daughters of India who are lost in the act of being "accomplished global Indians" .Or they better cancel their citizenship , it is simple , will any american talk about america in the third person and talk crap abt his nation .Wel , he wont .Then why my dear Satinder and Anjali , are you two guys being totally stupid ? What is the point ? Are u looking for CNN to pat you and make you Global bureau chief ? Well wake up and smell the salt !! It aint happenin .



Satinder went on about inter-caste marriages being the only solution and how they are being prevented by the political parties .Hey , I have been married to a brahmin girl for the past 10 years and havent seen any party trying to ruin my life yet !



Let us look at what are Satinder's accomplishments .



I am still looking !! Couldn't find much there , other than the fact that he went first to London and later became a Canadian citizen (which technically makes him a deserter) .



And finally a note to CNN and the other broadcasters ; India is not just full of half clad kids playing on dirty roads .We write 90% of the brainy things that run the world.Please stop the "hut by the road with semi naked kids dancing" reports on India .We buy more Coke and Pepsi than the rest of Europe and Asia put together for Gods Sake !!



Satinder , quit the job and get back to school , you are under qualified !!



Yours Truly

An Irate Genuine Indian

Learning to say no

Today , I feel like writing about the most important thing that needs to be learnt.The fine art of saying "No".Sometimes it is easy , sometimes it aint , the problem is that it is easy to say no to things or people that you dont like , when it is the otherway round , it is kinda tuf .You see , life is full of scenarios where you have to refuse things that you like.That is a true test of the ability in objectivity .

A lot of people just don't like the idea of having to tell people they can't do something. Or they feel obligated when a colleague asks a favour; or feel pressurised when someone senior to them needs something done.

There are even some work places where saying no is definitely frowned upon; and in, say, the police force, could be a sackable or disciplinary offence.

After having worked for some time with people where saying no either feels impossible or just isn't allowed, we created a body of work to address it. In some cases it is indeed, how to say no without ever saying the word.

Of course, there are times when saying the 'n' word is a necessity. But in our experience, there is so much anxiety around the possible consequences of using it, that people don't say anything at all, or agree to things they'd rather not, or get landed with work that isn't theirs and so on.

That can't be good for anyone, but especially the person who finds themselves staying late at the end of the day to get their own work done after they've finished everyone else's; or who swallows their resentment when they are 'volunteered' for something they don't want to do; or who quakes at the idea of having to be a bit tougher with a supplier or even someone they manage.

You must learn when and how to say “no” if you really want to accelerate your career. Because so long as you say “yes” to every request for your time and talent, you are allowing your friends and associates to consume your most precious asset–your time–to serve their agendas rather than advancing your own.

I know. It not easy to say “no.” “Yes” gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling. Your ego is really stroked when you are asked to lend your abilities to solve someone else’s needs. You become convinced that you are the only one who can do the job. You believe that taking on more and more assignments is the road to success. You are reluctant (i.e. afraid) to use “no” with your boss.

Resist those chronic complainers who want to burn up your time telling you about their problems and asking you to hold their hand or intercede on their behalf. It’s okay to be Mr. Nice Guy for a brief time. But when that role begins to cut into your productive time, gently and firmly put a stop to it.

By learning to say “no” when necessary you make more time to say “yes” for those tasks that accelerate your career.

If you are fully overloaded and your saying “no” doesn’t get relief, perhaps it’s time to look for a more accommodating environment.

The (only) other Dharan

I wanted to write about someone who is as close to me as anyone can get.He grew up with me .We have played , fought , studied , travelled and freaked out together a lot .It is kinda tough to trace back on my first memory of him.The earliest I remember is that of a three year old who was still sipping milk from a feeding bottle , and at that age he was going to school.The reason: I needed company to go to school.I am talking about my brother Sashidharan.The only other Dharan at home !



The Age difference between us is about 3 years , but I never even once remember calling him the "little one" or him calling me "Anna" .We were and will always be buddies on a first name basis .That is what I like about our relationship the most.It is mostly a no formalities very straightforward and fun thing.No fancy stuff there .



We two were "THE two annas " for all the other kids .But between us , you would probably not see better buddies .There is an uncanny rhythm about us.We can kinda see what the other sees very easily.That comes from the many years of growing up together at Sabapathy Street in Chennai.



There are many many moments that I treasure of the time we spent growing up.The most precious of them would be the time when we were at school and used to commute to and fro by rickshaw .One evening , I was playing with my friends and the rickshaw arrived .In the spirit of the game I asked the rickshaw guy to wait for a few mins and he hastily left.Only to return after two hours or so .This meant that we reached home very late .Sashi was all set to go earlier itself , he stayed back as I had .And when we arrived at home , one of our uncles(dont want to name him here ) decides to discpline us and takes out a stick and actually beat us up very severely.This guy(Sash) went thro with it just for stickin by me .I felt thoroughly terrible for that.The after effects of that day were many , not within the scope of this posting .One of the good ones was that I knew I had a trustworthy guy around me always .



We almost always went to the same school , except for the last two years of my schooling where I went to a different school due to unavoidable reasons.This meant that we spent roughly 10 years 24x7 with each other during the school days .



When it was time for us to go for our first movie without elders , We went together .I remember the movie : "Ghostbusters".We took along a whole contingent of kids (about 10 of us) and the onus of management was on me and Sash .We did a great job ! That was fun too .



The many many cricket matches we played at home , where one of us invariably was cheating (Sash more often :)) and ended up quarreling and deciding not to talk to each other for the rest of our lives ; invariably "no-talk" dint last more than an hour max .



Almost every vacation that I have been to any parts outside Chennai was with him.



As we grew up into fine young men (ahem!) , there wasnt anything that we dint talk about .Then after school Sash decided that he wanted to Engineering , (incidentally , me too !!) .After Engineering , I chose a different path and he preferred doing his masters in the US .



Well before that I got married to Hema (ofcourse you know that by now!).I remember how genuinely happy he was for me and how active he was at my wedding.But like they say , as men become husbands and then fathers , they cease to be boys , and our respective careers and other duties have made us kinda far from each other (we are on different sides of the earth now .This means just that , we are far away , but whenever we do catch up , tis always fun! .



Did I tell you that he is very good with the guitar ? He is !



Sash , miss you man !!!

TGIF

Thank God it is a friday .I dont have to get up early tommorow .
TGIF : I can watch TV late today
TGIF : Me and my son can play longer today
TGIF : I can afford to have a long sweet chat with my wife at night
TGIF : I can pull my legs up and plan for the weekend tonight
TGIF : Tomorrow is a Holiday
TGIF : The day after too

Hurray for the inventor of Friday !!!

Here is how my friday evenings go :-


I go home and my son has 1000 questions abt which pokemon can battle which one and why Ash uses the wrong one always but wins all the time .Then he teaches me the names of about 150 pokemon that he knows by heart now .Then we talk about why only Spongebob can wear square pants and what will happen if we did (!!) .We also try and find someone who is a Squidward in our circle :) .Then we discuss the next threat to the world that Robin and the Teen Titans will have to face and the kinda startegy they need to work around that .He then tells me what transpired that week at school.Then he asks me to narrate the customary bedtime story without which he doesn't sleep at all .Gone are the days when I used to sing him to sleep.He says "DAD !!!!!" when I start now and I stop immediately.We think he is asleep , but he sits up and asks me to power up my laptop and print him a pokemon coloring page .Mostly Pikachu and Charizard , sometimes it is Wabuffet .Then all of us get together and color the picture .And Finally he goes to sleep .

Here is the coloring page


Then I ensure that he is asleep , switch the TV on and slip in my James Bond DVD collection and let it run .As the movie goes by I recollect the first time I saw it as a kid.Most of these take me back to my brother Sashi , as we were the twosome that watched the max english stuff at home those days .Sometimes , I pick up my phone and call Sashi (he is now living in the US ) , we chat for some time.Amazing , how time changes you , there is so much you can , but there is only so much you really talk about now-a-days.Boy , I miss our growing up days .



My wife secretly brings in some snacks (!!) for me to munch on and then me and her start talking .Mostly nothing significant , but everytime we talk , I end up realise how much I enjoy , just talking to her and how it instantly makes me lighter .We chat till about 1:00 am and then go to sleep .At this point I shud mention that get up early irrespective of when we sleep.Thanks to my Grandma for the early waking habit that is in my genes now .



Will tell you about Saturdays tomorrow as it is a Saturday !!



Ciao for now



-=S

Things I treasure a lot

1. Playing cricket with my brothers at our house in Chennai
2. The constant company of my younger brother Sashidharan
3. Vacations where all 12/14 of us got together and played
   
   
4. My friend Pankaj Goel from school
   
   
5. Pankaj's house and his whole family
6. My "Valliachan" , who still is a role model for me in planning and execution
   
   
7. My Mom's songs
8. Frequent outings with my Valliamma and Valliachan
9. Mema (One of my three Moms) taking me and Sash out to movies and hotels and other towns
10. Riding a bus to college
11. Singing in the bathroom
12. Having my Granny's hot tea in the rainy season
13. The endless long chats with my Granny about everything
14. My brother Prem
15. Long chats with Sashi and Prem
16. My best friend in school Phanuel Robinson
17. My best friend in college Satish Babu
18. The 100s of audio cassettes at home
19. The 100s novels at home
20. My first day out with my wife (then my girlfriend)
21. My first glimpse of Hari my son
    
    
22. The First Time I sang to Hari and he slept
23. The many things that I asked my Dad and he never refused even one of them
24. The rickshaw rides to and from school
25. Marina Beach at Chennai
26. MMDA Colony , Chennai
27. Valluvar Kottam , Chennai
28. Hari's first day at school
    
    
29. My first day at school
30. My first day at college
    
    
31. My very first brush with Rock Music
32. A R Rahman's first album
33. Many Many Many times that Valliacha took us to Woodlands drive in
34. Everything about my childhood
35. My Grandmother's cooking and the great things she made for me
36. 39 , Sabapathy Street
    
    

The Recovery begins

Like I said yesterday , the job at Polaris was the fuirst step towards recovery .There were many issues to be sorted out and too few resources to sort them out with .In short my pay was not enuf to sort things out fast.So Hema continued to go to work and So did my mom so that we cud all pool the money and try to sort things out .



This meant that we cudn't go out over the weekends , no eating out , no shopping and even no planning for a kid.On top of all this we were living in a single bedroom apartment .There were 4 of us , so u can imagine the kinda adjusting it took. But we did buckle down and decide to weather it .



The work day at Polaris started early , I used to leave at 6:30 am and get back around 10:00 pm .It was so tiring that I spent the whole weekend sleeping .Saturdays were working days back then , so weekends meant only sundays :( .I was also exposed to Solaris for the first time in my life and I think that was the time that I was maximum excited .Here was a cleaner version of windows (!!!) and it never crashed !! Everywhere I installed it 12 years ago , it still runs fine :)



Back to the main topic , so our focussed yet colorless recovery period lasted a full 36 months before we could see the end of our liabilities .And we were back at Zero .



Imagine back to Zero took 3 years !!



More in tommorow's post

And then it happened

It is a great ability to laugh at oneself .Not many people can really do that .When you look at things that happened in the past sometimes you feel like like laughing at yourself .And then there are occasions that you wish hadn't happened an d that you had taken the logically correct path that is obvious now but wasnt even visible back then .

The sequence of events that followed after I started my company were of the second type , the type that you want to forget or even bury at times .You see , in all earnest effort , I was trying to do something .My company opened and I had a team that I knew very well working with me and we were in a business that I thought I knew very well (thinking now : I still dont know it that well) .

You see , we went on an order taking spree , which took us on a material buying spree .But we werent that good with collecting bills .This led to a money borrowing spree and before we knew it we were staring at HUGE credit and a lot of pressure .Under pressure , I went and borrowed from all the wrong sources (fisherman and loan sharks to name a few ).I ended up borrowing just to pay up the interest every friday (yes it was weekly compound interest :( ) .Things came to a stage were even if I sat at home ; there were pple looking for me to collect money from me every week .

There were a lot incidents of unpleasant characters sitting at home to collect , it got to a terribly unbearable state .I closed the company down and turned to the elders at home for some way out of this mess .They did help me and got me a HUGE loan from a known source .At that point I started applying for work and when you do that , it is never easy to get work ; nor does it happen in deterministic time frames .So in the interim , my wife started going to work as a stenographer with a small interior decoration company and here income was being used to pay interest for my loan every month .Both of were totaly dependent on elders for our day to day expenses and stuff.Believe me , that is not a nice state to be in .I am not finding any fault with anyone here , it is just that this phase literally killed whatever confidence I had in myself and made me a very complacent and defensive kinda guy .The exact opposite of the real me .

Did I mention that all my friends with me in my company conveniently chose to go away during this time !

After 11 harrowing months of this , I went to a famous Software Co to be interviewed for the post of a Tech Writer .The person who interviewed me rejected me for that post and outside the interview asked me to meet her.
I did and she gave me the mail id of a friend of hers in a HUGE company which was looking for a CONFIGURATION MANAGER .She told me "You are too good to be slotted in the Tech Writing job , you belong there , go there"

I was confused and thoroughly irritated , I lost a potential job and was aimlessly going to a place I did not know at all .Well I went to this place  (Polaris Software) , there were a few rounds or interviews and at the end of it all I was SELECTED  and they offered me a job paying 10,147 rupees a month .Twelve years ago , that was a HUGE salary .

That is where the recovery started .
More in the next post .

Bear with me

Friends , bear with me for a few days , I may not be posting regularly , but definitely once in two days atleast .

By next week I will be back to the old frequency

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Shakthi !! Wake up and smell the Salt!!

After our marriage , the whole bliss and happiness thing lasted for about two weeks ,Then the fun began , you see the company that I was working for decided that they do not need my division and obviously when the division aint there , they don't need a VP for it .Hence I was fired without any notice .

What next ? I started looking out for a job and something told me that it will be better if I had a business of my own .I decided that the division that was axed will continue and become my company.Well there were a few things that I did not realise at that time , first and foremost was that I had ZERO  experience at running my own show .Next were the small things like where I would get funding from (venture capital did not exist those days) , and where would I get people to work with me (I was not a known employer at that time , and even now ).

Most people would start small , I on the other hand started the size of KING KONG and HULK put together .I went for a posh multi-storey office bang in the center of Chennai.Fully air conditioned , power backup , support staff numbering 8 and all the jing bang .Well , at that time , I was very comfident that I would break even in 15 days !!

I found a solution my problem of people , I started roping in my classmates and family friends to work for me (as I realised very painfully later : WRONGEST THING TO DO!! EVER !! ) I felt like I owned half of the world and the other half was waiting for me to acquire it !!

Then the show began  , I was good at communication , still am .So marketing and getting orders was never an issue .I was bad at sourcing and billing , the most important parts of running the show .So I ended up sourcing at a higher price , delivering at a lower price and being unable to collect all at the same time .

Before I realised it , It was trouble time , I had borrowed from all the wrong kinds of people and all my credit sources were overdrawn.At this point my wife offered to pawn all her jewels for me to get out of the trouble .She trusted me so much that she dint bother to ask or tell anyone else at home about this .

Well , as it turned out , people found out and in a very very very unpleasant manner .I still vividly remember all the events that lead upto my first "liquidity event" .That in the next post .

Always remember :  Great opportunities are often brilliantly disguised as insolvable problems ...