Getting back with a few changes ...

Hi , I am back after a while .I am planning a few changes in the way I am posting here .I will continue to post the events in my life regularly , alongwith that I will introduce you to all the important people in my life by name and the effect that they had and still have on my life .

That way when you read the events you will be able to relate to them much better and understand the standpoint that I am taking .

Hope this makes my blog more interesting to read ....

Children's questions

Answering children's questions about death can be very difficult. You may find the following points useful:

• Children tend to ask their questions in the middle of everyday conversations. Don't be surprised if they change the subject abruptly when they've had enough. They'll take in as much as they can manage. You don't have to give all the information in one session.
• Accept that these conversations will feel uncomfortable. Whatever is said is just an opening, even if the words come out clumsily the child will know that you valued them enough to make an attempt.
• If young children ask what 'dead' means, it can be helpful to say something concrete and specific such as, "A dead body can't breath, can't eat and won't ever wake up."
• Check what they've understood by asking them to repeat it back to you. If it comes back in their words and still makes sense you know they've got the message.
• There aren't always answers. It's all right to say, "I don't know."
• Be prepared for them to come back with more questions when they've taken in the answers to the first ones.
• If the subject is painful for you, it may be helpful to tell them why. For instance, you could explain that you find it tough to talk about death because you're still feeling bereaved from a previous loss, perhaps of your own parent.
• Remember that children need realistic reassurance. Most people do die when they're old, but young people and even children die of serious illness or in accidents occasionally.
• Children are often curious about ritual and may ask lots of questions about what a funeral is. One possible answer might be: 'A funeral is a special time when everybody who knew the person who died can come together to remember them. There are often special prayers and songs. Some people cry. Everyone thinks a lot about the person who died.'

A post from Shakthi and Hema

Give 'em a hug, a great big kiss.
Because one day, he will be greatly missed.

My daddy has gone far away from this land,
I miss the precious touch of his loving hands.

I never knew last year was the last day,
I could look at my daddy, hug him, and say:
"I love you, Daddy! Happy Father's Day!"

Don't let one day go by without telling him
how dear he is!
Remember you may not have another year to tell him this!

All I have now is great memories, a heart
full of love and eyes full of tears, and
to remember his love throughout the years.

Now I will have to look up at the stars and
say, "I love you, Daddy! Happy Father's Day!"

Please remember when you pray, to thank your
heavenly father up above.
For your father he gave you with so much love.

Coping up ...

Proved to be a big challenge , in fact the impact of this shocking event was so intense that me , a guy who just heard it from others took a week to recover , so imagine Hema's mom who was right there when it happened.She was in a perpetual state of shock and totally disconnected from the real and physical world at that time .She used to be talking and thinking and doing things that were totally irrelevant to the rest of us .She used to take conversations into really unrelated space .She was unable to come to terms with the reality of what had happened .It was then that I realised how sensitive and absolutely essential to life is the bond between husband and wife .When one of them aint around , the other is nothing short of woefully lost in this world .Especially when you know that your other half is not going to come back ever again .

Whilst we understood her condition , we needed to do something to get it fixed.So we took her to my friends dad who was a psychiatrist .He spoke to her at length and then gave her counselling and medicine .Even with all that she was feeling lost in Chennai .She wanted to go back to Kodai.Hema's sister had flown down from Australia .So Hema and her decided to take their mother back to Kodai .They were there for a month or so .That proved to be the toughest and longest month in my life .

Rest in the next

Here is what happened ...

The incident that turned my life upside down .Hema's dad passing away .Here is how it happened .

Hema's Dad was a reputed builder in the area and many people used to come over to his home to discuss business related issues with him .He had a neat little front office that he had built as an extension of his home .

On the day he died a few men who claimed to be prospctive customers came to visit him at home in the evening time .Her Mom had gone in to get coffee for them .The guys were in the front room talking to him .Suddenly they held him and choked him with the wire of his phone and in the violent scuffle that followed , ended up killing him in his house itself .Her mom who was a witness to all this , went into a state of shock and it took us a full year to get her back to normal .

The guys who did all this were not interested in money and had left the valuables untouched.It was pre-planned and cold blooded .Ten Years later the case is still unsolved by the Police department .

More in tomorrow 's post

Earth calls Cloud Nine !!

Ok , so I was on Cloud 9 with everything going just fine and I had a shine in my eyes whenever I thought about myself .I told myself "You are there man , and you are only 24 !! Great !!!" And that thought made me beam with happiness .Everyone who knew me during that time told me that I was looking like Rajnikant in Rajadhi Raja (a HUGE compliment those days , but dont try that now )

Hema's Dad came over to Chennai and gave me some money to order a suit for the wedding reception . A few days later , he met Hema and showed her a snazzy gold chain he bought for me .I got busy trying to get settled down and steady .Work kept me going long hours and visiting places like Bhubaneshwar , Mumbai (Bombay then ) , Delhi and various other corners of India .Hema was also busy with her studies and work and getting ready to get married .All this must sound like the typical getting ready to get married grind .But that was not to be : something terrible hit us out of the blue .

I still remember the sequence of events vividly , it was very close to Diwali and Hema was in Chennai , she wanted to go home and me and my Dad tried getting tickets for her and couldn't , so she was thinking about alternative ways to get to her family in time for the festival .One day morning , it was early morning , we got a phone call from Madurai from Hema's cousin .The message was short and shocking : Hema's Dad passed away !!

That event turned our lives around violently and permanently in many ways that are still in effect .The whole shock dawned on me slowly and I realised that this was the time that me and my family should standby Hema's family and support them in any possible way .So almost all the elders at home left for Kodai with Hema to her home .

It was only after they got there that we got more info about the incident and were thoroughly shocked .
The details were nothing short of what you see in movies or fiction novels .
That deserves a seperate post and I will post it tommorow

The Plan and the execution

So , now that I knew what Hema's parents thought about me and how much they were troubling Hema to get me out of her mind , I decided to do something about it and like I said earlier made a plan .

The plan had a simple logic : Attack the source of the problem .
What was the problem ? They thought that I could not support Hema and subsequently a family .
The solution : Show them that I can !
And that was the plan .

So first I got Hema out of Kodai by getting her a job in Chennai .
Next I decided that her studies and all other things would be funded by me till her parents realise that we are serious and that I am determined .She came to Chennai and I got her into a ladies hostel and got her a job in Chennai and I started taking my career seriously so that I cud support her comfortably .All along my parents and family were aware of all this and supported me fully .I never went to them for any financial support , it was all moral .During this time , I became quite a popular networking consultant in Chennai .I started getting busier by the day and met and interacted with quite a lot of people .Some of them were impressed with me and some weren't .

There was one particular group of people who were running a packaging industry very successfully who came to me and said that they wanted to spin off an IT company and I shud be the Vice-president for that company .I cud not believe my ears and jumped at the chance and took it right away .

There you are , my first serious job was as a Vice President in a start up of sorts .
At this point I decided that it was time to get serious about marriage (I was a bit young to get married at 24.5 yrs , but that was ok and I was sure that this was the time ).So me and Hema wrote a letter to her Dad explaining that we wd like to get married and that we wanted to do it with his blessings and not elope .Her Dad did something that was totally absolutely and pleasantly shocking for us .He called up Hema and told her that he was coming over to Chennai and that he wanted to get us engaged the very next day !!

I was happy , if I am not mistaken that was the happiest moment in my life till date , beaten only by the happiness of holding my new born son in my hand on 3rd Oct 2002 .I quickly informed my parents , who were naturally happy for me and the next day the engagement ceremony happened .It was very low key with just family and my best friend from school days present .Her Dad told me that he understood how serious and committed we were and that he was impressed with my capability despite my challenge .

I was very Happy !
But fate had different ideas !!
More in the next post !